Things.

There are so many things that I want to say to people but I just can't, I don't want to hurt their feelings, or make them mad. But you know there's a point to where I can't hold it in anymore and I'm getting to that point. I've been upset, depressed, to the point of crying. I'm losing motivation for everything. I wish it wasn't like this cause it's getting really hard on me. I'm watching everyone go on with their lives and I feel like I'm becoming more invisible each day, and you it started when I was 1 of 3 seniors that wasn't in the yearbook. I was pretty much already invisible to a lot of people at the school even though people only knew me because of my ex. But when that happened it hurt me even more. and its been getting worse.
I mean yeah I'm in college and I'm actually trying to go somewhere with my life, but its the fact that I'm always home. I'm stuck in a rut every day is basically the same, get up with Dylan at 8 or 9 sometimes 7, come out to the living room go back to sleep for an hour or 2. 10 o'clock comes around give Ellie something for her leg, then I'm up for the rest of the day. after that I watch either The Price is Right or Who Wants to be a Millionaire, then Jerry Springer, Maury after then at 1 Days of Our Lives. Then a court show or something else maybe, then Nate, Ellen and news after that. then later in the night it depends on the day and thats to many shows to name. Days just repeat themselves. Every time I try to hang out with someone the are either busy or don't answer or live to far away. And then there's just the people who wont answer me at all. you know that hurts the most. I feel like I'm invisible and that only seems like my family and some friends see me and everyone else just doesn't care. Or there just to busy to acknowledge me in general and will talk or see EVERYONE else's post or comment or anything anyone else does. And you know I feel like I don'even get a chance to be seen because everyone else is either getting jobs or they moved to another state, At least I know some people actually see me. Am I really That invisible or am I just the type of person that no one will give me a chance. And for the last thing I feel like the only things I have to look forward to is when I know I get to go somewhere or my seminars for school because its actually something for me to do. At least I'll be babysitting soon that something to look forward to.

Any way for anyone who read that thanks for listening to my rant.