Right now everything just hits me at once. Seeing my ex move from girl to girl you its funny to think wow was I really just another girl did he really care? He cheated on me not just once but multiple times. But really I should be happy I'm not admitting anything just saying that I found a guy that means a lot to me I wish I could be with him everyday, He makes me happy he can always make me smile no matter what happened that day.
But I can't help but feel like I'm almost alone.. Yeah I talk to people but it's not the same. I'm always at home, I can't get a job, I feel useless, I know for a fact that I've lost my best friend and she may never come back, Almost all the friends I had in high school are gone.
Another thing I wish would happen is that I wish memories could fade with the past, I can see a name or face and it will bother me or I see a car come up around the corner or get to close to the car I freak out, For a while I had a phobia of cars, stupid I know but I'm scared I'm afraid almost petrified.
They all say as you get older life gets better, or things get worse before they get better, But when do they get better? I feel like I've lost so much in the past year that parts of my heart are missing.
Things maybe getting better for my family but what about me.. I maybe being selfish but I feel like its been to long time since I've been able to say everything in my life is good and not just parts.